menu Home About Party Pix Archived Issues

Barnyard Sex Jokes App Is Decidedly Not For Kids

[caps]A[/caps]s a result of writing this column for a few months, my iPad is brimming with questionable apps which somehow subverted the App Store’s policy against sex and profanity. I keep them all in folders so that friends or relatives don’t stumble upon these troubling apps when they’re playing games or looking up a recipe on my iPad. One app that I downloaded recently called Crazy Animal World was not filed in the “offensive” folder but it really should have been. It’s a dangerous case of misleading marketing and I really hope that parents don’t mistakenly download it for their kids hoping to see some funny talking animals.

To show you what I mean, here is the app’s marketing copy in its entirety. Notice that there’s no warning about sexual content anywhere:[quotes]”Can you imagine what would happen if animals could talk? We can! That’s why we offer you a collection of over 50 funny situations that will crack you up!
*Very intuitive and simple to use interface.
*Share with your friends your favorite anti-jokes using Facebook or e-mail.
The only example “joke” is an image of a penguin photoshopped very poorly onto a bleak mid-western road. In large black letters, using a font called “Hobo STD”, it says “Why did the penguin cross the road?” Answer: “To Proove [sic] it wasn’t a chicken.” Typos aside, this joke makes everything seem perfectly family-friendly. You wouldn’t think that once you download this app you’d soon be reading jokes about “wet pussies” and “a big fat cock in your mouth!”

As you can see in the gallery below, the app consists of a series of around 30 bad barnyard jokes which alternate between sexually explicit and downright nonsensical. The images are covered with weird ads and serve as a textbook for how not to use photoshop. To navigate, you swipe right to left until you either chuckle or cry trying.

Although it’s not mentioned in the marketing copy, the app does receive a 17+ rating, so hypothetically a child couldn’t download it without their parents’ iTunes password, but I could see it falling into the wrong hands and confusing the hell out of some kid. I remember when I was first learning about sex I’d overhear a conversation on the school bus or see a Farrelly brothers movie and for a few weeks my whole understanding of sex would go down this misleading rabbit hole because I’d given utmost importance to a small tangential detail. I could easily see the same thing happening to some poor tween who reads way too much into the joke about the sharks giving a blowjob to a battleship.

Want to read more “Bad App-le” Reviews?